Cold DMs have a bit of a reputation—and not always a good one.

 

We’ve all gotten those impersonal, templated messages that are more “sales pitch” than “let’s connect.” But here’s the truth: when done thoughtfully, cold outreach can be an amazing way to build genuine connections and grow your business network.

 

Here’s the deal: the key to making cold DMs work is to approach them as a conversation starter, not a transaction. It’s all about being intentional, showing up with authenticity, and focusing on the relationship rather than the sale. Let’s dive into some steps you can take to make cold DMs a powerful tool for connection and business growth.

 

Too often, cold messages fall flat because they’re generic and overly focused on sales. I recently received a message that had been copied and pasted, placeholders and all, like “Hi [Your Name Here]!” It felt robotic and inauthentic, and that’s exactly why so many people cringe at cold outreach. But here’s how to avoid those mistakes and make a positive impact instead.

 

 

Before you start reaching out, get clear on why you’re messaging them. Are you looking to connect with a peer? Explore potential collaboration? Or maybe you admire their work and just want to say hello. Cold outreach should be about relationships first, not just sales, so keep your purpose clear and genuine.

Pro Tip: Avoid jumping straight into a sales pitch. Instead, focus on building rapport and seeing where the connection might lead.

 

One of the biggest mistakes people make with cold DMs is skipping the “getting-to-know-you” phase. Cold outreach works best when there’s a level of familiarity, so start by following them and engaging with their content genuinely.

For example, when I wanted to connect with people I admired, like Mariah Stockman from Made for Mothers or Amanda Cahill from the Motherhood Redefined podcast, I didn’t dive right into a DM. I spent time engaging with their posts, showing up in their community, and learning about their work. By the time I reached out, it felt more natural, like saying “hi” to someone I’d been supporting all along.

Pro Tip: Before sending a DM, interact with their posts—like, comment, and show up in ways that feel natural. It builds familiarity, making your message feel less like spam and more like a warm connection.

 

When it’s time to reach out, avoid the copy-paste templates. A personalized message feels like a compliment, whereas a template often feels robotic. Take a moment to mention something specific you admire about them or their work—it shows you’re genuinely interested.

Pro Tip: Reference a recent post, project, or something unique about their work. This shows you’ve done your homework and makes the message feel intentional and respectful.

 

Think of cold outreach as planting seeds, not making a hard pitch. For me, the best cold DMs come from a place of wanting to build a relationship, whether it’s as a collaborator, client, or just a like-minded connection.

One of my clients, for instance, wanted to connect with program directors at educational institutions. She didn’t start with a pitch; instead, she introduced herself, her mission, and how she could support their programs. Over time, she built credibility and, eventually, they reached out to her. Today, those who once ignored her are her clients.

Pro Tip: Focus on building a genuine relationship. Get to know the person first and establish trust before bringing up any potential business opportunities.

 

Reciprocity is key in any relationship. If you’re asking someone to take the time to connect, think about what’s in it for them. This doesn’t mean giving away free services, but rather showing that you value their time and energy.

Offering value can be as simple as a compliment, a relevant resource, or a way to support their work. Let your message feel like an invitation to connect, not a demand.

Pro Tip: Think about how you can contribute to their work. Maybe it’s sharing their content, offering a quick solution, or simply giving them a thoughtful compliment.

 

Remember, business is about people first. Imagine you’re meeting this person in a coffee shop instead of a DM—would you start with a hard pitch? Probably not. You’d start with a friendly intro, ask questions, and keep it casual. The same applies to DMs.

Before hitting send, read your message and ask, “Would I say this out loud?” If not, revise it to sound more natural and personable.

Pro Tip: Avoid overly formal or stiff language. Keep it conversational, warm, and true to your voice.

 

Not everyone will respond right away, and that’s okay. Cold outreach is a long game. Sometimes you’ll be ignored, and sometimes you’ll get a “not interested.” Stay patient, and keep showing up in their feed with genuine engagement.

Pro Tip: If there’s no response, give it time. Continue engaging with their content naturally, and stay on their radar without being pushy.

 

Cold DMs can be a powerful strategy for building connections and growing your business if done thoughtfully. By focusing on relationship-building, personalizing each message, and being genuinely interested, you’ll find that cold outreach doesn’t have to feel cold at all. Remember, the goal is to make connections that feel meaningful and human. Embrace the relationship-first approach, and watch those connections flourish.